Life with Lauren

{This post was written in April 2019 after leaving my TV news anchor job}

You could say I don’t come from a family that really embraces change. My parents have lived in the same house since I was a baby. My mom has worked at the same school since before I was born (minus a few years when I was little). My dad worked at the same office for decades before retiring several years ago. Change isn’t something we do much of. If It ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Except, I guess the saying for us should be, “If it ain’t broke, don’t move. Or leave your job.” But. that’s what I did.

When I was in middle and high school, I was on student council. I loved getting to know what was going on at school and being the one to report back to my class about it. This is also around the time when I began to take notice of the Today Show and local news channels and I just knew that is what I want to do: find out what’s going on around me and report it to those watching. For twenty years I’ve known what I wanted to do in life and I worked hard to make it happen.

Once I figured out early on in high school that I wanted to be a TV news reporter, I researched broadcasting and journalism programs at universities around the country. Instead of going to Arizona State, one of the best and just 30 minutes from my home, I chose to go to another one of the best out of state (sorry, parents. And also, THANK YOU, parents) and was accepted at the University of Texas, Hook ‘em!! I worked through college on my broadcast journalism classes and had three internships at TV news stations along with volunteering at the campus TV station (shout out TSTV). I was the student lugging a camera and tripod around campus, bugging fellow students for interviews about the student government election or changes to the student union building. During the summer I spent hours in the lab editing video. During my internships I offered to do anything I could. I shadowed reporters. I helped producers write scripts. I ran the teleprompter for anchors. I loved every minute of being in a newsroom.

About one month after graduation, I landed my first reporting job in Corpus Christi, TX. While it was far from glamorous— I had a tiny apartment I could barely afford overlooking the parking lot, my pantry was full of Ramen noodles, beans and rice, and I worked nearly every holiday— I made the most of my experience there. I was promoted to weekend anchor and filled in anchoring during the week. I went to the beach on my days off and I met my future husband. So, other than quickly building up debt that would take me years to pay off, it wasn’t a bad start to adult life. A little over a year later I was able to get back to Austin and the station where I had interned during college.

I was hired as a morning reporter, which I couldn’t have been more excited about. I got to do 5 to 10 live shots a day while still putting together stories. I reported live on crimes, car crashes and fires, SWAT situations and big events like ACL Festival, SXSW and the rodeo. I covered major breaking news including the Fort Hood shooting, a plane crashing into the IRS building in Austin and was live in Bastrop covering the devastating wildfires for two weeks straight. Over the next almost 12 years, I would work nearly every on air position at the station, going from morning reporter to evening reporter, day time reporter covering city council, then to weekend anchor and finally the job I had always wanted: morning anchor.

We had a 5.5 hour morning news show starting at 4:30 a.m. So, my wake up time, and answer to the number one question I was asked most: 2:30 a.m. But, this was my dream job, what I had worked toward since I was 15. Sure, it was a tough schedule and I was going to be tired, but it was worth it. Now, I was mostly in the studio all day covering everything from breaking news to international headlines and entertainment buzz. We interviewed local officials, members of Congress and celebrities. I loved that every day was different and we had a great news team. I could see myself in that position for years to come.

At the end of 2015, my son was born. And like with most parents, often times moms in particular, my life was rocked. My schedule was no longer only mine. I went from napping as long as I wanted in the afternoons, to working a full day then attempting to be a mom with little to no nap after being up since 2:30. I was exhausted constantly. I used to say, “All I know is tired.” Sleep, or the lack there of, ruled my life. It controlled my mood, whether I would attend any events outside of work and what kind of mom I was to my son. In addition, I was still working many holidays and growing more bitter about it each year. (I am obsessed with Christmas. I know, who doesn’t love Christmas? But I LOVE Christmas time and all I want is to be with my family, enjoying our traditions..that’s for another post). For the first time, I started questioning my career. I was extremely conflicted with loving what I was doing, but a nagging feeling of wanting a better quality of life outside of work. I wanted to be a better mom and wife and just overall me. Most of all, I wanted sleep. But, being in the news business was (is?) part of my identity. I don’t know anything else. How could I leave? I would not only be leaving the station I had worked at for nearly 12 years, but stepping away from the career I had built my entire adult life.

It was a very tough decision to make, but I knew at that point I just couldn’t continue waking up at 2:30 a.m. and live the life I wanted outside of work. When I started to tell those close to me that I was leaving my job, the response I got from most people was honestly not what I was expecting. When I called my friend and someone I’ve always looked up to professionally, Bobby Bones, on Face time, he said he was proud of me for making a decision I had been thinking about for a long time. In fact, many of my friends and colleagues told me that. But, I wasn’t sure I felt like it was something to be proud of. I felt a sense of shame and almost embarrassment in a way, that I was quitting what I had worked so hard for and had always wanted.

My last day of work was one of the most overwhelming days of my life. Ranked in order: 1) Having a baby 2) Getting married/leaving job of 12 years. I spent a good part of that last show in tears and was blown away by the goodbye videos from friends and co-workers and even the Mayor! (Miss our Tuesday chats, Mayor Adler!) When my husband and son walked into the studio, led by some of our regular show guests over the years, I lost it. It was an incredibly bittersweet day that I will never forget.

Less than a month into my temporary retirement, I was fortunate to get to hear Brené Brown speak at a conference (and I’ve watched her Netflix special more than once, it is TRUTH!). When she spoke in front of this group of hundreds of mostly moms, she talked about the importance of saying “No” and being proud of the things you say no to in order to stay focused. This really stuck with me. I struggle with FOMO and have a hard time saying, “No” to things. For this period in my life, my focus is family and that meant saying goodbye to the job I had always wanted. While I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself, I’m excited for the change, SLEEP, and the unknown of what I will gain.